God Day

Have you ever had found yourself crying out "that's enough! I can't take anymore!" Sometimes, whatever the world dishes out is more than you feel you are able to take. The old adage that when it rains it pours is true.
I had one of those weekends. The past seven years has presented me with more than one obstacle on my road to a teaching certificate. It really shouldn't be this hard. I have a Bachelor's degree in Literary Studies and a Master's degree in Christian Education. Why can I not achieve a public school teaching certificate? I have overcome all the obstacles throughout this journey and just when I feel like everything is finally falling into place, another wall shoots up and blocks my path.
I have registered for the Initial Certification program at the college near where I currently work and I'm very excited about the idea of taking more classes. I missed out on a lot of great education classes in college because I had to change my major. Now, I feel like I have a "do-over." Well, I registered for two English classes and then checked my account balance. The university tacked on almost $300 in useless fees.
I am not the average college student. I'm a 31 year old married woman with a full-time job. I have no need to stay in a dorm or eat in their cafeteria. Nor do I have any desire to attend any university games or use their computer lab. I merely want to take their classes and earn my certificate. That's it. I can't stand wasting money and this was such a waste to me. Why should I be expected to pay the exact same fees that the typical college student has to pay?
I was feeling discouraged and extremely frustrated. I felt like I had been through enough in terms of the teaching path. If teaching is something God wanted me to do, then why is it so difficult to get there? I didn't understand. As a newlywed, finances are a bit tight and the last thing I want to do is add senseless bills to that already tight budget. I was just about ready to throw my hands in the air and say "forget it!"
I mentioned a little of my frustrations to my sister and she told me something that really put my situation into perspective. She told me to think about Moses. Here's Moses, a shepherd, wandering around in the desert for 40 years BEFORE God called him to bring the Israelites out of Egypt. When He does call Moses, what happens? Moses is left to wander in the desert for another 40 years AND he can't even enter the Promised Land. How frustrating for Moses? After everything he did for God and he never reached his goal.
BUT Moses had an envious relationship with God. They talked as FRIENDS!!! WOW! Every time I think about that, I get chills. Moses spoke openly with God and God listened. It is amazing to read the story of Moses and his conversations with the Lord. Then, you learn that when Moses died, God buried him on the mountain. God. The Alpha and Omega buried an unworthy servant.
It really made me think. Just because teaching is something God wants me to do does not mean that I won't face obstacles. If Moses, who spoke with God as a close friend, had obstacles, why should I think I'm any better?
I felt a little better after thinking about that, but still a bit selfish and frustrated. My husband and I went to church on Sunday and the Sunday School lesson was read from Isaiah -- one of my favorite books in the Old Testament. I love reading about prophecies and prophets. The lesson demonstrated that while God my punish us for our sins, He only does it because He loves us and even through the punishment, God longs for us. He wants a relationship with us.
In church, a vocal ensemble sang a song entitled "Bow The Knee." It was a simple song beautifully sang, but I HEARD God's voice. He spoke to me through the song and gave me such peace that I cried. There was one line in the song that said "and when things happen that you just can't understand, in the presence of The KING, bow the knee." I can come to God, one on one, and bow the knee. I felt as if God was sitting right beside me, whispering in my ear "Stephanie, be still and listen. I'm in control. Keep your faith in me and I will not let you down."
Through the Holy Spirit, my heart heard those words and imprinted them on my memory. When the choir stood up to sing "God is Here" it took on a whole new meaning for me. I just FELT God. He was truly there and sitting right beside me -- calming my fears.

James 1:5-6 says

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt"

He must believe and NOT DOUBT! That was the verse that our pastor read from the pulpit after the choir sang. I believed that this was what God wanted me to do, but I began to doubt HIS ways because they didn't match mine. How foolish. God is so far above me, why would I even attempt to think I could do what He can do?
God spoke to me. That was unmistakable. I was commanded to be still and keep my faith strong. How can I do anything else?