OK, So What Now?

War. Poverty. Hunger. Abortion. Murder. Drug use. Prostitution. Pornography. Child abuse. Domestic Violence. Divorce. Gangs. Rape. High School drop-outs. School violence. Teenage Mothers. Homosexuality.

The list can go on and on. What's wrong with the world today? Why are children aborted at all, but especially why if the sex is determined to be a girl? Why are more and more men and women 'coming out of the closet' instead of cleaning it?

I heard recently that Rosie O'Donnell was having difficult boughts with depression and anxiety. I can certainly understand why. The grip that sin has on us makes us miserable. It separates from God, even if we choose to believe there is no God. Still, we are miserable.

The world has too many problems to name. The thought of bringing a child into this world absolutely terrifies me. But I still want a child. The thought of losing someone I love keeps me awake some nights. But I still love them. The thought that I could be killed in a car accident sends chills up and down my spine. But I still get behind the wheel.

Life is hard. The choices we have to make in life are hard. The consequences that we must accept for those choices can be especially hard. That doesn't stop us from making the choice, does it? Sure, it may play a role in which choice we make, and it should, but we still make our choices. We have the free-will to decide. God gave us that. He didn't want to force us to worship Him. He wanted us to choose Him. To accept Him and His gift.

Sometimes that can be hard, too. As a Christian, I have no doubt who is in control of this world. I have no doubt that God misses nothing. I see all of the terrible things I listed above going on today in this world and I wonder, when will God say "ENOUGH" and rapture us all home? A Holy God cannot see the unholiness of the world and accept it for long. He will throw His hands up one day and the earth, as we know it, will be gone.

I'm ready for that day. In fact, I long for that day. I can't wait to see Jesus face to face and hear Him call me by name. I can't wait to live an eternity with Him in the sky, praising and worshipping Him.

While on earth, however, I am to keep Him as my center focus. Sometimes that's more easier said than done. Lately, my life has been turned upside down. Something that I've struggled with for so long and fought so hard to achieve, was taken from me. I no longer have the passion or the will to fight. I no longer have the desire that I once had. God removed that. As painful as it was and as confused as I was, God removed all of it. It is not up to me to question. I can never know the ways of God, nor would I try.

Still, it is difficult to give up something that you've fought long and hard for. It is difficult to start another path. A path that you hadn't previously explored. I'm at the crossroads right now. Leaving one career path and choosing to walk down another one. It is scary, but it is also very exciting. For I'm learning, more and more, that with God, there is NOTHING I can't do.

Currently, I am unemployed. I have never been unemployed for more than a week throughout my entire working life, which started when I was 15. It's scary and I'm not sure what will come in the future. I have no idea what door God will open. I just know He'll open it.

My husband is miserable in his job. He deserves a better job and I pray constantly that he gets that. It's been difficult for him with me being out of a job and him consistently searching for a better one. I know it wears him down. I wish there was something I could do to help him, but it's not up to me.

He tells me that one of the things he loves about me is the fact that I always tell him what he needs to hear -- not necessarily what he wants to hear. I've never been one to deal out the sympathy very often, but I do feel for him. I feel for what he is going through right now, because I'm there myself. We have no choice but to depend on God and I thing that is His purpose. He wants us to keep our faith in Him and Him alone. When our focus shifts, He has to snap us out of it. It can be painful, but it must be done.

I think I'm a hard person to love, but I know that I'm a loving person. I care more than I should, oftentimes, and I do things without seeking something in return. I love giving gifts for the sole sake of watching their expression. I love making other people happy. I love being with my friends and my family. I love being needed.

It's difficult for me to see my husband in turmoil. He is such a laid back person and I wish he could stay that way. Not let anything get to him. But nobody can do that. We all have something that gnaws at us. Some imperfection, either in ourselves or in others, that we feel needs to be fixed. We focus so much on what's wrong that we forget that God designed everything right. He has a perfect design or creation. We are the ones that made it ugly and imperfect.

Through all the upheaval my husband and I have gone through, sometimes I wonder when enough is enough. We haven't had the same problems that other couples have. Our marriage is unique, just as we are unique as individuals. Still, our problems are our problems and they are very real and, sometimes, very painful to deal with.

A very good friend of mine recently lost his father to a heartattack. It was sudden. The father had no heart conditions and there were no 'signs' that this would happen. Still, it happened. His father was a reverend, so even he would tell everyone that Jesus called him home. It's as simple as that. We are left to mourn him, but he is happy and free with Jesus now. We shouldn't mourn him, we should mourn ourselves. We are the ones still here. Still living among the crime and destruction of the world. We are still living on Satan's playground, waiting for the merry-go-round to stop so we can get off. As frightening as death is, I can't lie and say I don't long to see Jesus.

The point of this long ramble is that regardless of our situations, God is in control. Regardless of the fact if you even believe there is a God (trust me, there is), God is in control. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He's constant. He never changes. If He took care of Paul and Peter and John, why would we not think that He would take care of us?