Thanks For Playing . . . BUT

Have you ever noticed the word "but" pops up a lot in a sentence. I've discovered that when I hear that word, it's my cue to ignore everything said previous to it and listen to what comes afterward. It's generally what people mean. For example, "I really like your new haircut, but I liked your old style, too." Translation: "You shouldn't have changed your hair."
The word "but" magically erases everything that was said before hand. My personal favorite right now is one that I'm hearing A LOT these days. "Thank you for your interest in our company, but we simply have no positions for you at this time." When you are out of a job, struggling financially, mentally, and spiritually, it's easy to take these words and let them get you down. I have served in Customer Relations in some form or another since I was 15 years old. I have a lot of experience dealing with customers and computers, but that just doesn't seem to matter right now.
June 16 will be a month that I've been unemployed. That's new territory for me. The longest I have ever gone without a job since graduating high school was a week. I'm applying for anything and everything that slightly relates to my resume, hoping to get my foot in the door. I've gone on a few interviews, but they all seem to be the "get rich quick" type of scams and I get infuriated with myself for even going to the interview. They post available positions under the disguise of Administrative Assistant or Entry-Level Training. Sure, entry-level would be great if I didn't have more than 15 years experience under my belt.
Even the things I know I would be good at, because God has given me the skills to succeed, are even out of my reach. I have been told my whole life that I have a way with words. I have a knack for encouraging others and lifting people's spirits. I was even asked once why I don't put my blog entries into a Christian daily devotional. I've never thought about before they mentioned it. Well, now I've started exploring the idea. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get any professional to simply read what you have to say? It's like any new author trying to break into the world of fiction or non-fiction writing -- it's nearly impossible to find anyone willing to take a chance long enough to read what you've written.
The Christian publishing world is no different in that aspect. I believe that God can break those barriers when and if He wants to. I believe that, for now, for whatever divine purpose, He wants me in this state. He wants to teach me something. Perhaps, He wants me to learn something that will make me an even better writer and encourager. You write from experience, right? Well, maybe this is His way of letting me learn.
Or, the job He has for me isn't quite ready for me to enter into yet. I don't pretend to know the mind of God, but I certainly believe that His mind is far better than my own. He sees things that I can't remotely fathom. I have to trust in that.
It's difficult for us right now. The financial stress is starting to really play on both my husband and myself. I'm not used to staying home during the day, earning nothing to contribute to our financial burdens. Not only that, but I'm struggling with keeping my spirits up. You can be rejected only a few times before it begins to take a toll on your emotions. Sure, there are certain jobs that I'm not qualified for -- brain surgeon, lawyer, etc -- but those are not the jobs I'm applying for. I am staying within my range of experience and knowledge and I come up with nothing. Not even a second interview. Nothing to allow me to show the employer that I would be a benefit to their company.
My husband tells me that I have the kind of faith that could move a mountain if God wanted it moved. He tells me that I'm always optimistic, knowing that the job for me is right around the corner. He tells me that he wishes he could have my faith and my outlook when things seem so dreary. What he doesn't know is the constant struggle within myself to hold on to my faith that God is in control. He doesn't see the mornings that I wake up after he's gone to work and sit behind my computer and pray and cry. He doesn't feel the feelings that I have battling inside me telling me that I'm just not good enough, so why keep trying.
It's a difficult place for me right now and I know that there is a light at the end of that proverbial tunnel and it's the light that God put there for me. I know that God is in control and He is far more superior in knowledge and foresight than I could ever imagine. I know that this storm will pass and I will come out just as God promised. I know all of this. I believe it. I hold on to it.
I also know that when God prunes the ugliness away, it hurts. I know that trying to keep my spirits up for both me and my husband is tiring. I know that when my husband reads this, he'll feel guilty for whatever, but that's not my intent. I don't want him to feel guilty for anything because he has nothing to feel guilty about. We are both in this situation and we both have struggles and fears whirling around inside of us. Sometimes, we don't always share those emotions, but they are still there.
I believe that God's hand is always with me and His will be known. I believe that without God, I could never make it through this situation, or any situation from my past. I believe that God feels our pains and our He hears our prayers. I believe that there are no unanswered prayers and this storm that I'm currently in will pass and God's light will shine through the clouds.