OK, God. I Get It.

Ok, so I haven't written anything in a while. A long while. It's not because I don't have anything to say or a desire to say it, it's just the time that I lack. Nothing profound has changed since my last entry, but things are still moving right along.

My mother's surgery went well the early part of September, so that's a praise. Teaching 11th graders in Sunday School is challenging, but it's a great blessing as well. Nothing new on the job front. I will finish my online school courses this week and I will soon possess a Paralegal's Certificate! I've worked hard and I'm very excited about this new career path. I've had four interviews, one being just this morning, so I hope my career will begin soon.

This past Sunday was the first day for Youth Drama and I am so excited. I'm really looking forward to this time in my life. I am blessed with a wonderful husband who loves me and wishes only for my happiness. I have a loving and supportive family, both mine and my husband's, who I love spending time with. We have an amazing dog who is a bit quirky, but I can't look at her without seeing love and trust mirrored back in her eyes. She is definitely a tremendous gift for both myself and my husband.

The past few months have been painful and difficult for me. I have questioned God on several ocassions and while I still don't have the answers, I do have the peace to be still. I will soon have a certificate to show for my efforts in school, but no job offers. My husband and I are just about at the year mark of trying to have a baby without any luck. I know, I know. What's a year? Some couples try for five, even ten years without any luck. I just want it so badly and I have a difficult time being patient.

Watching my mother go through what she just went through was hard and painful for me. I wanted more than anything to take it all from her. She is such an amazing woman that I didn't feel like she deserved that experience. My sister told me that she had the same thoughts, but then she realized that if she took this experience away from Mom, then she would also be taking God's blessing from her. The blessing and the wonderful story that He is going to give her is something that I don't want to take from her. Regardless of the pain that she must endure now.

There's an amazing song from MercyMe called "Bring on the Rain" and I can't stop singing it. The first couple of lines talk about how the worlds asks him how he can praise the Lord after all that he's been through. The singer then says that he doesn't even think about NOT praising the Lord. Why would he turn his back on the only shelter from the storm? This song has become my lifesong lately. I may not have a career or that baby that we so desperately crave, but God has a plan. God wants me to use my difficulties as an excuse to turn to Him. But not just turn to Him. I have to trust Him. Whole-heartedly trust Him. That means, leave my difficulties in His more than capable hands and let go.

So, okay God. You are right. You are always right. You know what's best for me and I have all the faith that You will make things work for the best. I get it now. I am letting go of my difficulties and my fears and my doubts. I don't want to carry them around anymore. I want to breathe easier and watch You work. I want You to get all the praise and glory when the things I desire start falling into place. God, I want you to:

"Bring me Joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings you Glory. And I know they'll be days, when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to Praise You, Jesus, Bring The Rain."